Just keep going he tells himself. What other choice do you have? He thinks about all the wishful thinking and “pretend plans” he conjured up in his mind only to have them burst like a bubble to be no more.
It’s the right thing he thinks. This. What else can I do but this? He says a silent prayer of hope that his efforts will be recognized and redeemed and quickly feels the shame that always seems to accompany this duplicity.
It’s anguish. This is what anguish feels like. To have this love yet not have her. Is he ever going to move on from this feeling? He wonders how long this sadness will continue to live in his heart. It’s made a nest of comfort, so much so that he couldn’t discern his pain from his forced apathy.
There’s still a ways to go as his mind drifts to the concept of time and the vastness it brings. He feels the frustration deep inside as he knows what is holding him back. A reasoning, an excuse he gives himself to stay. She deserves more than that. Who knows, he shrugs to himself as he turns away from the window. Who knows what time will bring.