Distraction is exactly what I need. I don’t need to think about what could have been or the maybes. The faint heaviness lay dormant in his heart. Whether he liked it or not, he needed to want anything else but that.
He thinks about how he will “turn a new leaf” but deep inside he knows it’s because he’s left with no choice. He knew it was wrong to force himself to want this but he also knew it was “right”.
It will pass… hopefully. He’ll take it a day at a time and soon enough he’ll see how it’ll have been for the best.
If he had the freedom… maybe… but he knew what he knew and it was a truth he couldn’t deny. He just had to accept it. Come to terms with it. Find peace. There he goes again he thinks. Forcing himself to “think” these things he knows isn’t the complete truth.
The denial was strong, strong enough to keep him exactly where he stayed. He already put in so much here. There’s just no choice. Nothing left to consider in the matter. What would everyone think?
He thinks back again to how he could have done it differently… His mind comes back to the same conclusion so why won’t his heart cooperate? It’ll take time he thinks. Eventually it’ll pass. He has to convince himself of this.